July 18, 2007

The Tabloids Wrapped Up With A Bow

There was a time long ago, in a land far, far away where we used to read tabloid magazines. Now we just read them online. At one point while living in Miami, we had a subscription to Star magazine. Yeah, no shit. When they proclaimed that Brad and Jen were pregnant, and the couple split the next day, we decided not to renew. No big surprise then that Star still has it out for Aniston. She is this week's cover with the headline saying that Brad's mother told Jen, "Brad Still Loves You." Doubtful.

Somewhere around the time that Aniston was America's tabloid darling, Britney went off to Vegas and got married to Jason Alexander, then married again, became a baby mama and the rest is history. Star magazine has been along for the whole sordid affair and this week is saying that Britney got into a slap-fest with her mother. Apparently Brit delivered a restraining order to Mama on the set of her little sister's (Jamie-Lynne) television set. Brit's pissed that her mother forced her into rehab and is seeing the kids when they are with the Fedster. The court order says her mother can't see the kids when she is under the influence of prescription drugs. Lynne Spears went to see her daughter and things got all WWF up in the joint. Brit told reporters from TMZ that she was praying that her mother gets the help she needs. Honey, we've been praying for years that you get the help you need so get your white trash behind into church. And therapy. And to a stylist. Thanks.

The tabloid kingdom also presents a "scary" image, that of a very thin and depressed Angelina Jolie. She apparently weighs only 95 pounds and is depressed that her mother died and that Brad's mother is trying to turn him against her and steer him back to Jen. We're surprised they haven't jumped on the heroin train. Other than that, all is well in the Brangelina paradise.