March 1, 2009

Jonas Brothers Molested by David Weintraub

While we cannot help but indulge in schadenfreude at the sight of bubble-gum pop boy-band The Jonas Brothers failing to edge out the third installment of the quirky "Madea" franchise, we detect some disturbing trends here. (On a side note: we hope you appreciate the hardship we must undergo to bring you the following keen insight, as we just did a Google search for the Jonas Brothers, which might officially make us gay.)
Clearly- and you hardly need us to tell you this- Hollywood is doomed. With last year's writers strike and a potential actors strike looming, (both concerning compensation for material intended for broadcast over the medium that is forcing the established powers in the entertainment industry to adapt or go extinct) nobody seems to ask what this compensation is for, other than a rapidly eroding monopoly on Americans' avenues of mental escape. We can hardly blame the Jonas Brothers for sucking. We can, however, ask of the entertainment industry: "what the fuck?" regarding their collective creation and maintenance of a media environment in which a trio of effeminate teenage boys playing shitty music end up carrying the banner for a weekend of entertainment . If somebody doesn't pick up the slack soon, movies, scripts, screenwriters, and what little creative talent remains in Hollywood will soon find itself replaced by legions of crazy, attention hungry reality-TV zombies and shows featuring families containing an unhealthily large number of children, wives, husbands, mistresses, DUIs, plastic surgery operations, pets, ghosts, washed-up rock-and-rollers, obsessions, compulsions, beauty pageant trophies, and whatever else our fickle, excess-obsessed collective attention happens to land upon. Once this happens, all the members of SAG will become washed-up former celebrities, so David Weintraub will enroll all of them in his talent agency and proceed to pimp them out for all sorts of demeaning work and act like a douche. Congratulations.