March 2, 2005

A Horse Of A Different Color

Obviously, Jessica Simpson has had a rough couple of weeks. It was no surprise when Paris Hilton's emails revealed a report from Lindsay Lohan detailing Jessica's cocaine use at the Shore Club here in Miami. It's one thing to sniff, sniff your way to a size 2....but it's a whole new scenario when that technique is made public.
Paris left a note on her hacked sidekick to tell Ken Baker from US Weekly about how Jessica tried to hook up with Justin Timberlake which followed reports of Jessica's anal escapades with Johnny Knoxville on the set of 'The Dukes of Hazard.' To top it off, last week, Mrs. Simpson-Lachey skipped out on her Oprah appearance to check herself into the hospital for exhaustion.
We feel for Jessica in her time of need but at the same time we must reprimand her for going to the Oscar party as an Oompa Loompa. Jessica, we can forgive anything you do as long as you look good doing it. And lose the pearl choker. It's not 1985. Thanks.