March 6, 2005

Saturday Night Fever. Jen Schefft Edition.

InTouch Weekly (check-out line reading) has the real story on Jen Schefft and what happened with the tragic show finale. No happy ending?! [Gasp! Ho-rifik]. InTouch confirms the rumors that Jen has a new man in her life. Seen above is Billy Dec, her boss. Remember when the host said to Jen, "You're not fishing off the company pier, are you Jen?" Too funny. Also when that lady in the audience asked her what it would take for her to settle down. We'd love to interview John Paul and Ryan for that answer.

Here is what they have to say about surgically enhanced Jen:

'According to sources, Jen has fallen in love with Billy Dec, her boss at Chicago entertainment development company Rockit Ranch Production. Though Jen denies the rumor, the New York Daily News says that the events planner was
recently spotted "dining alone with Billy in a corner booth and cuddling ," at Rockit Bar which Billy owns.'

And that's it. That's the explanation we get after a whole season of cheering you on. You hook up with your boss and we're supposed to forget all about it. No, no. We want to know if you're okay. Is that weird pimp, we mean club promoter, or owner or whatever, being mean to you? John Paul would have never been mean to you, by the way. Seriously, love, this is not the way to extend your fifteen minutes of fame. Here's the thing, in order for us to continue to like you, there are a few things we need to discuss.

*Please don't pretend you're appealing to America by being completely insane. The American public is a simple folk. If you tell us that you've fallen in love with some club promoter with big ears and a shaved head, we'll understand. You see, Jen, love conquers all and we just want to think that you'll live happily ever after.

*We understand why you shot down Jerry. Page Six (NY Post) ran an item about him when the show premiered about Jerry and how he only dates reality show stars and how he's all in it for the spotlight. He's a loser.

*We love John Paul and can't even believe you were so disrespectful to him. Shame on you, Bachelorette.

*Your fifteen minutes are up. Buh-bye.