June 30, 2005

Mrs. Solis Is Engaged

It's hard to see unless you click on the photo and zoom, but take our word for it. Eva Longario is wearing an engagement ring.

Paris Hilton's Engagement Ring

Tacky. Just like her.

Required Reading

This is the infamous German interview we've been hearing about and have finally found the English translation. In an interview with Steven Spielberg and Tom Cruise, the interviewer asks the questions that no American asskissing journalist would dare. AND, he has the goods to back up what he's saying. He flat out tells Cruise that he's wrong. Take that, Matt Lauer. It's a quick read and you'll be glad someone put all this in perspective. It's no wonder the rest of the world thinks Americans are bat-shit crazy with Tom Cruise as our representative. Click here for the interview.

June 29, 2005

Sharon? Aaron?

Michael Is In Hiding To Drive Up His Price

According to contactmusic.com, Michael Jackson will tell his story for $10 million. That is almost as desperate as building a theme park so he can molest boys. And didn't he learn after the Martin Bashir fiasco that maybe giving interviews is not a good idea? We beg of you, Michael, go play in your little world and stay the hell out of ours. Seriously. We're on our freakin' knees, begging you.

BET Awards Breakdown, BOY-EEEEE

The Game and son, Harlem, arrived for the BET Awards where he sang a duet with Mary J. Blige. Why he held his son during the performance we're not sure. The opening number by The Fugees had the inevitable shout out to the crowd from Wyclef Jean asking who wants another Fugees album. He has been begging Lauren Hill to reunite for years (including on his album, The Ecleftic) and this just may be a step in that direction. John Legend won Best New Artist and did a duet with Stevie Wonder. Destiny's Child performed a sexy number where they pulled Magic Johnson, Nelly and some other dude up on stage and basically did lap dances for them. We're just happy they're breaking up so we no longer have to see them wear outfits designed by Beyonce's mother. Mariah Carey sang her hit song in a dress that showed too much of her big thighs and too much of her big boobs and she looked like she was about to fall over in her too high heels. Practice walking in them first, honey. Tom Cruise wore moon boots to present the Best Actor award to Jamie Foxx, who was a no-show. Other award winners who didn't bother to show up were Usher, Kanye West, Regina King, Shaq and Donnie McClurken. Denzel Washington at least taped a thank you speech for his humanitarian award AND his wife gave a lovely speech. We're wondering who the hell Donnie McClurken is in the first place, and what was so important that he couldn't attend. Will and Jada Smith were great as the hosts and Halle Barry and Michael Jordan looked totally amazing. And Ciara lip synched her performance. And we hear she has a penis.

Tom Gives Good H#@D

In an effort to keep up with all that is Tom, here is the text of yet another email: "My good friend and acting coach's best friend was a long time assistant to Katie Couric, and being on the set of the Today Show brought in a LOT of information that she of course had monetary and contractual incentive not to share, but anyway, now she doesn't work for her, and she talks freely. According to her, Tom Cruise is a total homosexual slut, and the powers that be at the Scientology headquarters cover this up with relationships and whatnot in exchange for his unwavering loyalty to Scientology. ALSO, more substantial, is that John Travolta has the same deal with the Scientologists, that he's a homosexual, they have photographic evidence, and his entire relationship with Kelly Preston is a Scientology related scam."

Rob Thomas Strikes A Cruise Pose

Here's the text of the Rob Thomas slept with Tom Cruise email:
"So, I work with this girl who has a family friend that works in PR in Hollywood, and she always has fun little scoops about celeb stuff. Well, if this is true, this is just ridiculous! So, the whole Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes thing - apparently, it is, like we all thought anyway, a ridiculous PR thing. Tom Cruise was supposedly caught in bed with Rob Thomas (the lead singer of Matchbox 20) by Rob Thomas's wife, Marisol. Rob Thomas is also a Scientologist. Obviously, nobody wanted this to get out, and Marisol was going nuts threatening to expose them. I think that she might be getting paid off, but to preempt any rumors about Tom, the Scientology people as well as Tom's PR people basically recruited Katie Holmes to play this part of Tom's super-excited girlfriend, and they are just paying her a b*ttload of money. I guess they also woo'd her with promises of what this would do for her career, since she's at best a B-lister. But I guess now Marisol is so annoyed at all of the press Tom and Katie's relationship is getting, she's threatening to go public, spill the beans, and file for divorce."

Hollywood Gives Back

Carson Daly is freakishly thin now and still a loser. Jennifer Connelly should take her son for a haircut. Vin Diesel is a big fag and James Gandolfini is thinking of how he can kill his manager for making him do this charity bullshit. We kid, Tony, we kid.

Mr. Whitney Houston

'Being Bobby Brown' premieres tomorrow night on BRAVO promising to make this summer a little more fun.

June 28, 2005

And On And On And On.....

We'll reiterate what we said earlier, Britney Spears is an embarassment to white people. This is a photo of her dog's room and it is so disturbing in so many ways. There's the swag thing on the wall and the cabinet fulled with crap and the wall color, etc. Somebody please help this girl or at least tell her to stop putting photos of her trashiness on the internet. Thanks.

When Bad Things Happen To Good People

When we lived in NYC, we were fortunate enough to meet Grace Hightower, the wife of Robert DeNiro, and she is a beautiful person inside and out. That's why it's sad that her maid stole earrings and shoes from her. The maid also stole from Candice Bergen, but we hate her, so that's okay.

American Beauty?

We love HBO's Six Feet Under and think it's interesting that Mena Suvari's life is now imitating her art.

Hot Miami Knights

Perhaps Colin should throw on some glasses or a hat. Just a thought. See below post.

What Big Eyes You Have

Being that Colin Farrell has been in South Beach filming Miami Vice, we were sure he was partaking in all of Miami's fun and this photo makes that clear. Note: when the eye comes into contact with bright light, the pupil is designed to contract. Unless of course, you're on drugs.


Now Lindsay's mom, Dina, is old enough to control her buzz and handle her blow. She's looking better than her daughter these days.

Her Dealer Is Totally Late

The E! blind item from Ted Casablanca last week was so obviously Lindsay Lohan doing coke right out in the open in the bathroom at a club. Ted also talked about how scatter brained Lohan was in interviews and we predict an extended vacation soon.

Nothing Left To Do But Smile, Smile, Smile

We apologize for the week long hiatus from the blog and warn you all to never, and we mean NEVER, allow a nine-year-old visitor in your home to use your computer. The havoc that our trusty laptop has endured is beyond explanation. The turmoil was all too much so we headed off to Phabulous Philadelphia for some much needed Philly Phun. If you've never been, you should, Philly's fun and fun is good.
So while we were out, Tom continued to act more like a crazy person than we knew he had in him. Our advice? Shut the hell up and act.

June 21, 2005

We Love The Daily News

They printed this blind item about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes:

Some engaging tidbits
So here's what I'm hearing about that relationship.
A source VERY close to the deal is saying there's a contract.
It's worth $5 million.
It's for five years.
There will be no sex.
The deal was sealed June 7.
That's what I'm hearing.

Tom Just Can't Catch A Break

After watching the video of Tom Cruise being sprayed with water at his London premiere, we actually feel badly for him. Apparently it was for a British television show that pulls pranks on celebrities, but this was pretty mean. He's just trying to do his job and promote his movie and he gets punk'd to the extreme by a total stranger. Where is Oprah when you need her? Watch the video interview here.

June 16, 2005

Make It Stop

Donna Martin is not looking her best these days. The too big boobs, the fake tan, the horseface....too much at once, sweetie. And stop hanging out in Miami. That place is Loserville.

Seal And Heidi

Heidi Klum is absolutely gorgeous. Enough said.

Carrie Bradshaw

Does she look preggers?!

June 14, 2005

Dear Nicole:

We know you must be frustrated that your former husband's recent antics are making it painfully clear to the world that your marriage was a sham and he is a big flamer. We feel for you, but you did get an Oscar out of the deal and went from a nobody to a big, huge star with a gazillion dollars. So go spend some money, have crazy sex, and for the love of God, please stop with the Botox already. You're starting to freak us out.

50 Cent Ventures Out Of Connecticut

Fiddy Cent braved the scary streets of NYC after his work-out yesterday for 'just a lil bit.' He didn't even get shot once.

New And Improved

Jack Osbourne looks TOTALLY different these days and if we may be so bold...he looks kind of cute.

Paris Hilton's Engagement Ring

The canary yellow diamond is big, that's for sure...but we no likey. Better luck next time, Paris.

June 13, 2005

Not Guilty

Apparently the jury was comprised of Thriller fans and a really old lady that was pissed when the accuser's mother snapped her fingers at the jury box. Shouldn't there be an age limit on eligible jurors? For all we know, the old juror thought she was at her Monday night bridge game already. Hopefully Mr. Jackson will take the hint and stop molesting young boys.

Britney Is Dumb

Over the weekend we caught Britney's reality show, "Chaotic" on MTV and we were amazed. We knew Britney and Kevin were high school drop-outs but nothing could prepare us for the magnitude of it all. We were embarassed to be white people. Seriously.

June 9, 2005

Just Because

The July Issue of W

June 8, 2005

My Adidas

Usher is out and about in SoHo, seen here leaving the Cabaret Club last night.

I'd Like To Buy The World Some Coke

TVgasm.com is confirming that Lindsay Lohan is on a cocaine diet and it's developed into a nasty habit. In addition to the Colombian Powder, she gobbles diet pills. Nicole Richie and an Olsen twin are mentioned as her bathroom buddies which makes us realize that these poor girls never had a spring break in Jamaica. Someone should organize that for them so they can get all this out of their systems. Or overdose. Whichever comes first.

Anne Bancroft (1931-2005)

We'd like to know a little bit about you for our files. We'd like to help you learn to help yourself. Look around you, all you see are sympathetic eyes. Stroll around the grounds until you feel at home. And here's to you, Mrs. Robinson, Jesus loves you more than you will know. God bless you, please, Mrs. Robinson, Heaven holds a place for those who pray.

The Way We Were

Brad Goes Blonde

Brad sat down with E! and said he wishes the blonde hair was for a movie role, but we never heard the explanation. Remember the infamous Oscars when Angelina Jolie kissed her brother? He also had bleached hair. Coincidence? Whatever the reason, Brad can do no wrong by us. Hopefully he'll shave his head like in Fight Club to get rid of the blonde. Yum.

June 7, 2005

Look Ma, No Bra

Too Tall Katie

That's so sweet how Katie is all bending over so she doesn't tower over Tom. Who are we kidding? We just threw up.

Celebrity Rehab Revolving Door

Little Michelle, aka Mary-Kate Olsen, appears to be annoyed as she tries to snort some coke in private. With Kelly Osbourne checking into rehab for the second time, we expect Mary-Kate will be next.

Meet My Wife's Boob

The MTV replacement for The Newlyweds is Meet the Barkers with Travis and Shanna Barker. We enjoy the show but do not approve of the red carpet pose at all. Yeah, yeah, you're a drummer and stoner and all, but her boob looks all gross and wrinkled. Let your wife look pretty. Please.

Jessica-Post Radio Station Fiasco

Seemingly unfazed that two people have given radio interviews confirming that she was unfaithful, Jess showed up at the MTV Movie Awards with her husband Nick and worked the cameras. We're not sure why neither she nor Nick has commented on the fact that the very personal details of her sex life are public knowledge. One would think they would defend her honor but that probably doesn't fit into the master plan of spin that has made her a household name. OK! magazine is offering $1 million to Jess for the story of her break-up, whenever that may occur. So basically, she gets paid if they divorce. Which we all know they will any moment now. And she is looking more and more like her assistant/best friend/girlfriend everyday. Her hair looks so much like Cacee's, we half expect to see a photo of her with a new short hairstyle.

June 6, 2005

Hot Miami Nights

Colin Farrell celebrated his birthday in Miami where he is filming the movie version of Miami Vice. He does look kind of like Don Johnson the more we see him like this. Hopefully he'll go back to being hot after the film wraps.

Crowe Goes Crazy

Russell Crowe was arrested this morning around 4:20 am for assault in Manhattan. He allegedly threw a phone at a Mercer Hotel employee, striking him in the face, during an argument at around 4:20 a.m., said police spokesman Sgt. Mike Wysokowski. Crowe's movie with squinty-eyed Renee Zelwegger opened this past weekend at #4 and the reviews were less than great. Apparently Russell hasn't heard that 4:20 is police talk for smoking weed here in America, something Russell should seriously look into doing. Leave the crazy phone beater pills to Naomi Campbell.

Angelina Jolie normally carries her son, Maddox, ALL the time so we were pleased to see he can walk on his own.

The Three Moms party it up in NYC. Jade Barrymore (mom to Drew), Victoria Gotti (mom to John, Carmine and Frankie) and Dina Lohan (mom to Lindsay) pose for photos at the 'Entourage' premiere after-party at PM. What is that conversation like?

June 5, 2005

While the jury is out deciding his fate, Michael Jackson checked into the hospital today to molest another cancer patient. Click here for the story.

June 1, 2005

Tom looks gay in this picture.