July 28, 2005

Ted's Blind Vice

Ted has been obsessed with Toothy Tile for months now and Jake Gyllenhaal is mentioned in every column that Toothy appears in (Ted always mentions the person somewhere in the column). Jake plays a gay cowboy in the upcoming 'Brokeback Mountain' so we'll see how the chemistry plays out on screen. Gay, straight or bi....Jake is a Hottie McHot-Hot.

News From The Heartland

We've received several requests to relate news from places other than Hollywood and NYC, regarding regular people. In an effort to please our loyal readers, we present the genius of one American youth.
San Antonio, TX (AHN) - A Texas man is arrested on Monday after calling the cops to complain someone had stolen his stash of marijuana.
Stephen Knight, 17, called authorities and said three men broke into his apartment, hogtied him with Christmas lights, and stole some marijuana, as well as a plasma screen television.
Police arrested Knight after finding several pot plants growing under heat lamps in his apartment, four grams of harvested marijuana, and one tablet of ecstasy.
Knight said the men stormed into his home early Monday, demanding "Where's the weed?"

Who's Promoting Peace Today?

Thank You, Thank You, Thank You

We're so happy you took our little conversation to heart. Don't you feel better? We sure do.

July 27, 2005

The Duffster

Unfortunately for Hillary, veneers can not be removed so she'll be looking like Gary Busey for the rest of her life. So sad.

Kate Moss Sees The Light

Gross Pete Dougherty is finally history. The British tabs say that Kate and Pete were walking on a London street when a passerby called Pete a 'crackhead' (which he is). Pete started a big fight with the guy and it was all too much drama after everything he's put her through already, so she dumped his ass. Congratulations, Kate. You deserve much better and we hope you find your prince. Kate has been seen in NYC looking for an apt and having cocktails with her close friend, Johnny Knoxville. We're 99% sure Pete Dougherty is in a London crackhouse mending his broken heart by injecting heroin. Those British are so classy.

The Sienna Saga Explained

Last night Sean Penn and his wife went out to dinner with Sienna Miller, former fiancee of Jude Law. Also yesterday, the Post's Page Six ran a blind item regarding Sienna and her all-night coke party with one of Jude's co-stars. Sean Penn was just filming a movie in New Orleans with Law and we don't think it's a coincidence that he's now BFF with Sienna. Ironically, Jude complained that Sienna partied too much and then went off and shagged his kids' nanny. What we can't comprehend in all of this is why, for the love of God, is Sienna wearing those shoes tied up around the bottom of her hideous acid-washed jeans?

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

At first we had concern for Jessica Simpson's assistant/BFF, Cacee, when we saw the scowl on her face. Here she is carrying Jessica's dog and looking very unhappy in the direction of her boss/BFF....

And Then We Saw Jessica....

July 26, 2005

SJP Gets Her Carrie Bradshaw On

Sarah Jessica Parker enjoys a smoke on a break from filming, and proves that there are still some New Yorkers that smoke despite Bloomberg's ridiculous laws and tax increases.

Bing Who?

Liz Hurley has a hot Indian boyfriend and a cute son and her image has almost recovered from the tabloid debacle involving her baby's daddy. She's come a long way in recent years and it's nice to see her looking so happy. Keep up the good work, Liz.

Dear Lord, Make It Stop

Who's Promoting Peace Today?

Angelina's Daughter Makes Her Debut

This adoption is a win-win for everyone, especially Ang's son, Maddox. Now that she will be carrying Zahara around, Maddox will be able to walk on his own and his leg muscles can finally develop.

It's Time For A Little Chat, Britney

Remember when we discussed the daisy-dukes? Well, you're wearing them again under your maternity top and it ain't pretty, girlfriend. You are very pregnant so they look even worse than when you were just chubby. In fact, even if you were super-thin they would look horrible. These shorts are just not cute and they make your thighs look gross and fat. If you insist on showing your thighs, try an always stylish skirt. And yes, a longer skirt would look lovely and would be very comfortable. Dress for yourself and the good of the citizens, not for your husband. Despite what K-Fed says, you are not an actual Hoochie Mama. That's just a term of endearment.

July 22, 2005

Catherine Zeta-Jones Looks Different

We saw a new Verizon commercial last month and wondered who the new Asian spokesperson was. Then we realized it was a different-looking Catherine Zeta. Different in the, "My husband just got a face lift and I'm now an Asian woman," kind of way. And then we saw the pic with the blonde hair which may or may not be for a movie, but we think it's the oldest trick in plastic surgery. After a procedure, drastically change your hairstyle so everyone thinks that's why you look so different.

Jessica Gets Her Roots Done

And she needed a police escort to leave the salon. Again, we state the obvious. You asked for it.

Eva Knew She Wouldn't Get An Emmy Nom

Eva Longoria, our beloved Mrs. Solis from Desperate Housewives, has gone public with her boyfriend, Tony Parker of the San Antonio Spurs. She's also learning French so she can be in the conversations French-born Tony has with his family. Eva, sweetie? This is America and you are hot as hell. Make him speak English or kick his big ass to the curb.

July 21, 2005

Please Wear A Bra, Shanna

Why Are They Taking Our Picture?

When will Jessica Simpson learn that the paparazzi follow her everywhere? Here she looks surprised that she and her personal trainer are being photographed outside of a gym in Beverly Hills. Well "No shit, Sherlock." They are everywhere when it comes to you and not giving them the shot they're after will only make them pursue you more. Stardom, doll. You asked for it.

Uma Does Capri

Aside from selling Louis Vuitton in magazines, Uma Thurman likes to vacation in Capri, Italy with her children and boyfriend. It's nice to see she's a human being and doesn't look super skinny ALL the time.

Who's Promoting Peace Today?

This is Luis Figo of Real Madrid and he's promoting peace. And he's hot as Haiti.

Britney Gets A New Look

Brit Brit is getting smarter by the day and got rid of her trashy hair extensions. We thank you, Britney, from the bottom of our hearts.

Paris Is A Pig

Hotel heiress Paris Hilton was left red-faced last night (18jul05) after a car valet refused to clean her Land Rover because it was too messy. The porn star drove her beloved vehicle to a drive-in car clean service in Beverly Hills, California but was turned away because the company is not allowed to touch personal items, and Hilton's car was full of underwear, phones and bags. A worker tells British newspaper the Daily Record, "Her car was jam-packed full of junk - personal stuff. There must have been at least 100 magazines, but more shocking than that, make-up, cellphones, handbags and clothes, including a lot of underwear. We had to turn her away because it's company policy not to touch that kind of stuff."

On top of that, her fiancee wears a shirt with her picture on it and the words "Take Me To Paris." And he is really unattractive. And her hair looks like a horse tail. That's it. For now.

July 19, 2005

Southern Charm

Georgia State Troopers have released the video of Chris Tucker's arrest and you can watch it here. We love how the troopers compliment him on his gorgeous car and again later on his acting ability after they finally realize who they've just arrested. Aside from pointing a gun at him and taking him to jail, the officers were relatively nice. We'd like to see some video of Bobby Brown's arrests.

The Engagement's Off

Sienna Miller obviously took her engagement ring from Jude Law off and no announcement of regret is making her put it back on. If we had to guess, we'd say she's very obviously showing her ring finger to the photogs outside the theatre. And who goes to a show on the day you break up with your fiancee? That being said, she should work this scorned woman angle, in terms of her career, but go for a sexier look in terms of the wardrobe. The bohemian maternity tops aren't working.

Stop The Frenchness

In an interview with a veteran Los Angeles Paparazzo in the NY Times, we learn that French people, on top of being rude, suck at driving and fellow paparazzi are in cohoots to limit the extent to which French people ruin the world. “Britney’s not going to drive crazy,” Mr. Cousart says, by way of example. “So you don’t have to be right on her tail. But there’s going to be that one photographer on her bumper. So we call each other, the other teams. Whenever we’re in a follow with the French guys, we say make sure they don’t get in the front. We try to block them out, because they drive like idiots.”

His Friends Were Not Cute

Or Lindsay Lohan just wanted the coke all to herself. From The Post's Page Six: WHICH starlet knows how to score drugs wherever she goes? On location, she called the local college drug dealer, ordered $600 worth of cocaine and told him to bring his friends over. But when the crowd got there, she grabbed the coke, and kicked everyone out.

My, What Big Teeth You Have!

Hillary Duff bought herself some big ol' teeth.

July 18, 2005

Jude Law Apologizes For Screwing The Nanny

So this is the woman that Jude Law had the affair with, which led to the announcement that he's sorry for hurting his fiancee, Sienna Miller. Daisy kept a journal which details the sex she had with Jude, including on a pool table like his "Alfie" character. Whatever. One of his children walked in on them in bed and told Sadie Frost, Jude's ex-wife. Daisy denied the affair on the phone to Sadie, but then told one of London's tabloid's all about it. Of course.

And to the left is Sadie Frost, whom Jude met on the set of 'Alfie' and asked to marry him in December of 2004. We are speechless and know not what to say. Except for this. Jude, don't fool around with the help as nothing good can come from it. Sienna arrived at an event this evening not wearing her engagement ring. Kick him to the curb girl. And stop cutting up your clothes. No wonder he cheated on you. (Relax, we're kidding.)

Vince Vaughn Makes Ted Casablanca's Column

Ted is back from vacation and posted this blind vice which we believe is about Vince Vaughn. After several hours spent in 5757, the lobby hotel at Manhattan's Four Seasons Hotel the other night, we were headed up to our room and walked right past Mr. Vaughn with two young men. The previous night, Prince Nobody told us that Owen Wilson, "The Butterscotch Stallion", was at 5757 while he was there. They were promoting their new movie, Wedding Crashers which opened with $32 million which is not bad for an R rated pic. Considering he's a member of 'The New Gay Mafia' in Hollywood, we would think he would of picked up some things along the way. Vaughn is definitely losing his hair, which was pointed out in Anchorman:The Legend of Ron Burgundy' [new gay mafia movie] and note the title of Ted's blind vice as well as the "And it ain't" section. There's the stallion. Enough said. Well just one more thing....Can anyone name a girlfriend Vince has had? If you can (strippers/hookers/massage therapists don't count as girlfriends), or if you have a guess for Ted's blind vice, contact us at PrincessNobody@hotmail.com. It's good to be back. We missed you all over the weekend. Big kiss!

July 13, 2005

Seal And Heidi Klum In SoHo

Sarah Jessica Parker Looks Hot

We're in NYC for a few days so we'll be posting pics of celebs out and about in Manhattan until something interesting happens in Hollywood. Brad Pitt having the flu is not interesting to us. Sorry.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Kelly Ripa's daughter waves to people outside her SoHo apartment in a blatant display of, "Look at how cute I am," bravado. We see you and yes, you are adorable.

July 12, 2005

Say It Isn't Syracuse

We happen to love Syracuse and are hoping that crazy Tom Cruise does not start promoting the fact that he was born there. From NY Daily News: Could Tom Cruise be going home again to marry Katie Holmes?
The tiny upstate town of Skaneateles, near Cruise's birthplace in Syracuse, is abuzz that he wants to set the couple's wedding in the Monet-inspired gardens of the Mirabeau Spa there, our source tells us.
The French-estate ambience is said to be a favorite of the "War of the Worlds" star, as well as of the Clintons and the Baldwin brothers. And small wonder: Its 10,000-square-foot house, sequestered on 12 acres, offers a heated foot-massage suite, herbal-infused steam rooms, fireplace-heated saunas, couples massage rooms, European hydrotherapy pools and soaking tubs - lots of relaxation for potential wedding guests. Cruise's spokeswoman, his sister Lee Anne DeVette, is out of the country, but her assistant Marlan told us, "To my knowledge, this information is not true." "He was there four or five weeks ago with Katie Holmes," one local claims. "They discussed getting married in Skaneateles."

Charlie & The Chocolate Factory L.A. Premiere

As always, Johnny Depp looks very handsome, gold teeth and all.

Brit Has The Golden Ticket

We're not sure what message Brit is going for here. How is her K-Fed spawn a golden ticket? And why didn't anyone tell her it's not proper etiquette to steal the spotlight at someone else's movie premiere? We are, however, very pleased that she bothered to wear a bra. Good progress, Brit.

My True Love, Justin, Please Call Me!

K-Fed is starting to look more like Charles Manson everyday. And that blazer totally sucks.

July 11, 2005

Ashton Needs A Time Out

Ashton tore the t-shirt of a paparazzi while the guy was inside a truck. We think Mr. Moore needs to relax before his new baby arrives.

Bobby Brown Mugshots

After Thursday night's episode of Being Bobby Brown, we understand why he has had so much trouble with Georgia police over the years. Hopefully he'll stay out of jail so we can enjoy being shocked and entertained for a few more seasons.

July 9, 2005


Perhaps married life agrees with him...Or, we've had too many cocktails. Whatever the case, Ben Affleck looks kind of cute.

Three Strikes, You're OUT!

And rounding out the group is Nick. Every team needs a pinch hitter. Go get em' kid.

Batter On Deck!

Looking less attractive and just a bit wasted is Jessica Simpson.

Batter UP!

Ashlee Simpson is a Hottie McHot-Hot!

July 8, 2005

Got The Munchies, Tara?

From The NY Daily News: "Which blond party monster now comes equipped with a portable Starbucks coffee grinder? Apparently, she has decided this is the best way to pulverize weed for her new pot habit ... which might explain why she hasn't been out drinking as much lately."

July 7, 2005

Make Nicole Richie Eat Something

If you see her, force her to eat whatever you have on hand. A sunflower seed, a cheeseburger, a piece of candy, a breath mint. The poor girl is near death.

Jessica Expands Her Empire

Oompa Loompa, Doompity Do.

Brit Scores The Vanity Fair Cover