August 31, 2006

Holy MTV Video Music Awards

The MTV Video Music Awards returned to their rightful home in New York City tonight and it was a night of great performances, underdog wins and a random guy named Six stealing the show. Before we moved from our beloved Manhattan, we were fortunate enough to attend the VMA's and witnessed the Soy Bomb guy rush the stage during Bob Dylan's performance and we vowed to never miss the VMA's live again. We'll get to 2006's soy bomb event in a moment. The show started out with the hottest performance ever by Justin Timberlake and we are officially in love. We have never, ever seen anyone dance like that ever, ever. Get it? We love him. Best Male Video went to James Blunt for 'You're Beautiful' which completely rocks and Best Hip-Hop Video went to Black Eyed Peas for 'My Humps' which does not rock at all. Hey, you're here for our opinion so there it be. Shakira kicked it up with a performance of 'Hips Don't Lie' in an Indian sari complete with an entourage of dancers and Wyclef Jean. Amazing. Kelly Clarkson won Best Female Video for 'Because of You' and Pink won Best Pop Video for 'Stupid Girls' which was presented by Nicole Richie whom the song was about. Ironic. The Pussycat Dolls won Best Dance Video and Best Rap went to Chamillionaire for 'Ridin.' Fort Minor won for Ringtone of the Year with 'Where'd You Go' which is a great song and his newest song actually made us sit in the car at our destination just so we could find out who it was by. Best New Artist in a Video was Avenged Sevenfold for a song called 'Bat Country' and they were the biggest upset of the night as no one has ever heard of them. Beyonce performed from her new album and her choreography was reminiscent of Janet Jackson's 'Control' era. She also won Best R&B Video for 'Check On It.'
Paris Hilton made an appearance wearing God knows what and magically disappeared during comedienne Sarah Silverman's sarcastic ode to Paris. Basically Silverman said that Paris was too fat and needs to lose weight and that she knows that Paris "feels" and publicizing her reconciliation with former best friend Nicole Richie during sweeps on a popular late night talk show (Letterman) demonstrates "that". "That" being that Paris feels. Whatever, it was funny. We don't do it justice, catch the replays which will be on MTV for the next week.

Host Jack Black had a Tenacious D reunion and sang about Friendship, Motherf#ckin' Friendship, AFI won Best Rock Video for 'Miss Murder' and no, we didn't know MTV even played rock anymore. The Viewers' Choice Award was presented by the cast of JackAss who stayed true to their name and caused the cameras to film from very, very far away taking the spotlight away from winners Fall Out Boy for 'Dance, Dance.' Then Jenifer Lopez arrived to present the Video of the Year Award and wore the above outfit. We don't even know where to begin with that so we'll move on. She switched into her "Jenny From The Block" Puerto Rican accent to talk about the new MTV channel launching soon called MTV Tres which will feature Musica Latina. That is MTV 3 featuring Latin Music for all you readers not from "the block." Then she opened the envelope and read the winner - Panic! At The Disco for 'I Write Sins, Not Tragedies,' and then she gave the microphone to an African-American gentleman that appeared out of nowhere and was obviously not part of the all white boy group Panic! At The Disco. While the winners of Video of the Year were making their way to the stage, this guy named Six went on about how MTV wouldn't give him his own reality show and how you should all go to his website at and finally security got him and he was this year's Soy Bomb. We once heard of a stylist named Six that used to self-promote so we're off to find the website and solve the mystery. Adios Miami, welcome home MTV!