November 22, 2006

Paris Is Oh, So Classy

Paris and her wonky eye were at the American Music Awards on Tuesday night where she presented something and stumbled through her speech which was all of two sentences. Host Jimmy Kimmel started the evening out with a joke about the year's music and how both Paris Hilton and Kevin Federline released albums, "There's some talent there." They went on to lower a Fedster look-alike from the rafters into a big wooden box that was closed and then dropped off a pier into the water. Kimmel introduced "The Bachelorette" Britney Spears to present the first award of the night. Her extensions looked hideous and she was still wearing her wedding ring. Random. On to Paris news: she attended Jay-Z's concert in Las Vegas and drank straight from a bottle of vodka throughout his performance which goes without saying is, oh, so classy. Following his set, she climbed up onto the stage and had her song put on so she could lip-synch for the crowd. It may have been the vodka or her song, perhaps a bit of both, but she proceeded to puke all over and run off. Again, oh, so classy. The most interesting news regarding Paris came from Tina Fey, the creator and star of 30 Rock, writer of Mean Girls, and former Saturday Night Live writer and cast member. As a guest on Howard Stern last week, Tina dished about Paris, calling her a "piece of shit" with "the hair of a fraggle," saying there were "wads of barbie hair" all over the SNL set from her "cheap weave." Tina went on to describe Paris' "man hands" that are as big as Tina's forearm. Paris tried to persuade the writers to do a skit making fun of Jessica Simpson, "because I hate her. She's fat." Even if Jessica was fat, she could always diet. What do you do about giant hands on a girl? And it's not just the hands, Paris has said she hates her exceptionally large feet (size 11) for which she has to have shoes custom made for. We can only hope that Tina Fey writes a screenplay about an obnoxious brat with giant hands and feet. It will be huge, no pun intended.