March 20, 2007

Idol Final Eleven

So it's "British Invasion" night on American Idol, featuring Peter and Lulu Noone. They're from Hermit and the Hermits? Who knows. They're very British, hence the theme. First up is Haley Scarnato who has been confirmed by the Idol hairdresser to be re-using Kat McPhee's hair extensions from last year. Random. She sings "Tell Him" which happens to be one of our favorite songs...but we digress. For Haley, it's all about hot pants and high heels and she's rockin' it. Randy says, "Perfect song, Yo' factor all over." Paula says, " The flirtation side of you was great, it was adorable." Simon says, " Naughty little thing...A bit shriek-y in the middle. I think people are going to be talking about a lot more than your singing tonight." By the look on Simon's face, he likes Haley very, very much. It could have been her backless top? Chris Richardson is on now and we just fell asleep so no report on him. Stephanie Edwards is singing "You Don't Have To Say You Love Me" and Lulu says she reminds her of Beyonce. Ahem. Steph needs to lose the hooker nails. Seriously. Randy says, "So yo, it wasn't your best performance for me, it was a little pitchy for me." Paula says,"I love what you're wearing, you're a great singer, but go back to that having fun." Simon how do you think you did?" Stephanie, "I think I did well." Simon, "I think you're losing your edge, it was a bit nightclub-y, it was a cabaret performance, that's the problem. I wasn't crazy about you to be honest." Ouch. Blake Lewis is kickin' his beat box into the song and Peter says he doesn't want to sit in the front row when he spits during his beat box. He sings "Time Of The Season" and Paula is standing up dancing. Blake is wearing plaid pants and breakdancing. Back to the beat boxing and more breakdancing. Ewwww, gross, he's singing "Who's your daddy?" directly to Paula. Randy says, "Check it out baby. I'm a huge Blake fan since day one. this week you put together a massive you factor. Much props to you. Brilliant." Paula says,"This season is a Blake season." Simon says, "A million times better than last week. This week you chose the right song. the melody is intact, it sounded very contemporary, strongest performance so far." Ryan Seacrest is trying to get with Blake and he actually just danced on the stage. AND tried to beat box. Seacrest almost out. Of the closet. Lakisha Jones is up next singing "Diamonds Are Forever." Lulu really, really, really wanted her to sing "You're My World." Listen to the guest artists, Lakisha! That's why Idol producers pay them a gazillion dollars. Ugh. Randy says, "Lakisha, yo, yo, yo, alright so, from the James Bond film, I don't know if it was my favorite performance. Not enough Lakisha for me. It was alright for me." Paula says, "You're a smart girl" and then she is so drunk she can't speak properly so we're not sure what she said. Simon says, "We know, and it's evident that you're a fantastic singer however this is Lakisha in 50 years. It wasn't my favorite performance. Too old, too old fashioned, I didn't get it." Next up is Phil Stacey singing "Tobacco Road." That's our cue to go downstairs and take a walk on the tobacco road. So we totally missed Phil due to our love for cigarettes so now up is Jordin Sparks singing "I, Who Have Nothing." The straight hair and black dress are working for her. Half-way through the song she kicks it up and this girl can sing. Randy says, "Check it out, Jordan, that was a very tall order for you, I'm impressed with you for 17 years old, one of the best performances we'll see tonight." Paula says, "17, 17, you're a good singer and a wonderful performer." Simon says, "You sang it beautifully but I feel like jumping off a bridge. So depressing." Ryan says, "I think Simon, to get it, you have to experience love with someone other than yourself." Ryan and Simon have great chemistry. According to Ryan, the "wild" side of Sanjaya Malakar is up next. Now, loyal readers will know that we think Sanjaya is a little cutie, but at this point the 17 year old needs to let loose. He has been too shy lately and while he is absolutely adorable and has a decent voice, this week is do or die for him. Peter says, "He's a cute looking guy but he doesn't have a lot of experience to sell what he's got." He went on to say that he's made the choice of song really difficult for him. Holy shit, they just showed a young blonde girl in piggy tails crying in the audience. Sanjaya is singing "You Really Got Me Now" by the Kinks. Holy shit he's rockin' out. Randy says, "Whoah man, you shocked me tonight. You came out of your shell tonight. I'm in shock. Your best performance to date." Paula says, "Go for it. It was a lot of fun." Simon says, "I think the little girl's face says it all." Ashley (blonde girl) gets to hug Sanjaya and there are more tears from her. Vote for Sanjaya at 1-866-Idols-08. We love the underdog. Gina Glocksen is up next and we can't stand her. Sorry if you are into her, but she sucks in all the ways that a person can suck. She's singing "Paint It Black." Good luck with that. Lulu just asked her if she was singing in the right key. Uh-Oh. Wow. We dislike Gina singing this song so much. Time to make a cocktail and not forever ruin the song by listening to this, this, whatever it's called. Quelle horreur! Chris Sligh is up now singing "She's Not There." Guess what Chris? We're not there either. And yes, it's too late to say you're sorry. He started the song in the audience, not on the stage. Wha? Chris' friends are holding up a sign that says, "Bringing Chubby Back." Randy and Paula say, "The beginning was rough." Simon says, "What else could he have done to be more free with the audience?" He was being facetious in response to how Chris plays to the audience and went out and shook Simon's hand. Chris actually shouted FRO PATRO, which is like this year's version of Taylor Hick's Soul Patrol. Dear. Lord. They saved the best for last and Melinda DoLittle, this year's American Idol, is up next. She's singing "As Long As He Needs Me" with He being God. She just spit a little when she sang a note and the lights totally picked it up. Now here she goes...this girl is awesome. Like goosebumps awesome. It's in the bag for Melinda. Randy says, "Check it out, we probably saved the best for last, you are a pro up there." Paula says, "You are in your own league my dear." Simon says, "Melinda, are you really as nice as you seem? A very boring song, you made the second part sensational. The vocals were impeccable." Our thoughts exactly.