August 3, 2008

Six Degrees Of Spencer Pratt

The culmination of a creatively bankrupt TV genre, The Hills, has endorsed the culmination and/or the impotent death spasms of a morally and intellectually bankrupt political movement, McCain for President. Without opening the Pandora's Box of political discussion over cocktails: it should come as no surprise that two guys who made a career of leeching off their mates and acting self-righteous on camera would feel drawn to each other.

The true meaning of this story remains open to interpretation. Spencer's announcement that he will be working with McCain's daughter to visit Iraq could be a subtle announcement that the reality TV community, like the military, will check its fantastic power in service of the civilian-elected government. The other, and more likely case, is that Spencer expressed his hope to see Heidi as McCain's running mate in order to set the stage for an upcoming season of The Capitol Hills. Prepare yourself for a domestically-focused Vice Presidency, as Spencer will throw a hissy-fit every time Heidi tries to schedule a diplomatic mission. The craziest part of this travesty: the studio planned this years in advance. After McCain dies of a heart attack brought on by the emotional stress of constant exposure to exaggerated, dour, reality TV facial expressions, Spencer will help Heidi select a new VP in a reality show a la Joe and Slade in the abominable "Date my Ex-Heidi and Spencer Edition." When asked for comment, Heidi simply said, "I love Jesus." Seriously. We could not make this stuff up.