February 17, 2009

The Sun Never Sets on "Real Housewives"

Holy continuity. As the OC crew hands it off to the East Coast, we cannot help but contemplate the glorious possibility of a rotation that allows for the constant airing of new episodes of the "Real Housewives" franchise. It's the same basic idea behind the perpetual adoration chapel at your local Catholic church, only dedicated to the adoration of gossip-mongering, shallowness, and bitchiness rather than the traditional favorites of holiness and chastity. Pulling this off shouldn't present too much of a challenge, given the apparent abundance of bat-shit crazy women desperate to appear on television. If they must add one more city to the franchise, so be it. The madness only gets more balls-to-the-wall with each succesive iteration.
Alex McCord apparently got a haircut and did something about her teeth. Unfortunately she still annoys the hell out of us. This clearly demonstrates the simple truth that internal ugliness can co-exist with external beauty. That being said, we would not describe McCord as even approaching beautiful. She looks like a skeleton.
To be perfectly honest, we are in something of a state of shock. Tonight's two-hour extravaganza was by far the longest some of us have been exposed to the "Real Housewives." This has precipitated a minor crisis regarding our faith in humanity, which we previously didn't imagine capable of such unimaginable horror. As such, we will put on hold our planned discussions - "How gay is Simon?" "What planet is Ramona from?" "Why does Bethanny have softballs hanging helter-skelter from her chest in the pool?" etc.- until we emerge from the fetal position.